From Lulu and I, A Very Merry Christmas....(Yes, that's one of the remaining bullet holes in the wall).

Ho Ho holy wilted mistletoe, Batman!  This year has just, thankfully, flown by!

Welcome back, my friends!

Merry Christmas!  And I did say Merry Christmas, as in; The celebration of the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ.  The reason for the season for the last two-thousand and ten years.  I didn’t say Happy Holidays, although I wish you those, too.  “Political correctness,” by its’ current definition, has become blatantly ridiculous and, left unchecked, will be the ruination of American society.  That, however, is another blog for a less festive time of the year.

Well, yet another weekend has come to pass and Old Man Winter still has his teeth sunk deeply into South Carolina, (and winter hasn’t even, officially, arrived yet!).  Between the weather, work and the many wonderful holiday gatherings I’ve been fortunate enough to be invited to this year, Das Nook has skulked in the Big Top, untended but not forgotten, for the last three weeks.  It’s definitely going to be after the holidays before I have the opportunity to do any further work on the camper.  Then it’ll be hit-or-miss until the weather improves.  It will, however, be fully functional for spring camping.  This I vow!  Unfortunately, some of the work I still have left to do requires fiberglass.  Temperatures below 60 degrees are not conducive to curing resin.  The galley, however, will probably require enough work and time to get me through until the warmer days return and fiberglassing is more practical.

Aside from the obvious benefit of the last twenty-one weeks: a comfortable, fun, versatile, and, if I do say so myself, pretty darn snazzy camper, not to mention the many new friends I’ve made in the process; the last twenty-one weeks have also been better therapy for me than a lifetime of expensive naps on a shrink’s couch.  2010 will go down in the annals of Brian Greenleaf history, (and probably in the sequel to Born Bent Over),  as, I pray, the worst year of my life, (any worse and I wouldn’t be drawing breath).  2010 started off with my getting shot in the right gluteus maximus, (butt cheek for those of you unfamiliar with medical terminology), twice!  It happened during an exchange of lead, as they say in the cop shows, in my home, compliments of some whacked-out crack head who thought he had the right to come into my house and help himself to the things I’ve worked and scraped for all my life.  The year went spiraling down hill from there.  For those of you who’ve read my latest book, you know now what I meant when I titled it, “Born Bent Over.”

I’ve heard, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger,” (although I never thought I’d have to test that theory so literally).  I believe no truer words were ever spoken.  This last half of the year has revitalized my, first-half-of-the-year-diminished, eternal optimism.  It was either that, or go on Prozac; an option that the myriad of voices in my head voted unanimously against.  I always listen to the voices in my head, for they are wise, (some of them, anyway).  I now look at the two slugs remaining in my butt as carte blanche to drop trow and moon anyone I choose to under the guise of showing off my battle scars.  Should you see the “full moon,” shining in your direction, you might want to ask yourself, “Is he showing me his souvenir slugs, or have I done something to offend him?”  Probably the former:  I don’t offend easily.  I do, however, dread my next stroll through the metal detectors at the airport.

Major projects, like Das Nook;  projects that you truly and thoroughly enjoy, are a perfect opportunity to clear your mind as you happily work along, listening to some great tunes, and think through and rationalize life events.  All the thoughts and problems that you’d otherwise put in mothballs in the furthest, cobweb infested, recesses of your cranium where they’re allowed to fester to biblical proportions while you worry about all the other, more immediate, trials and tribulations that are part of every day life can be examined and either poo-poo’ed or dealt with.  It’s amazing how much easier it is to deal with the “biggies” when you’ve had a chance to put all your problems in perspective, (and to avoid mood altering drugs!).  Take on a major project that you’ve been dreaming of, or putting off, in 2011.  Your mental health will thank you for it. *maniacal laughter*

Aside from the St. Murray’s Day Massacre, the name by which I now refer to the home invasion, (named for my current, infinitely shiftless, drunken sot, guardian angel, Murray; did I mention that he has a penchant for wearing frilly lady’s undergarments?), I’ve also had a few people who were formerly a major part of my life who’ve decided to take a vacation from me.  Some have even taken a permanent leave of absence!  To those good people I send my warmest regards, wish you all a Merry Christmas, eternal peace and happiness.  To those who have come into my life this year, welcome to the insanity!  Enter at your own risk and, please, read thoroughly, (especially the fine print), and sign the indemnity waiver at the door.

More to the point, the fact that I’m writing this with my own two healthy hands, on my own laptop, under my own warm roof, contemplating a wonderful Christmas with my family, (and rigatoni and meatballs for Christmas dinner, right, Shell?), speaks to the fact that as long as you’re still on this side of the sod, and healthy, even those of us Born Bent Over have a few silver linings left to search for in those constant dark clouds that follow us constantly.  For those sparse few silver linings, I am truly thankful.

So, I’ve decided that I have, pretty much, all I need this Christmas.  I have my health, my family and friends, my new weekend home on wheels and a much, much healthier outlook on life.  Therefore, I’d prefer to spread my share of the Christmas Magic around in the form of a few wishes for some people who are truly in need of a little Christmas Magic.

First and foremost, I’d like to wish a very Merry Christmas and a safe, healthy and happy New Year to all the men and woman in the armed forces who are laying their lives on the line every day to insure that those of us reaping the rewards of their sacrifices here in the most wonderful country on earth can continue to live, love, laugh, worship and think as we please.  May war, one day soon, become something you only read about in the history books.  May each and every one of you brave souls be sharing an egg nog with your loved ones on American soil next Christmas.  I, for one, wish to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you do.  God Bless you.

May this year be the year the cure for cancer is finally discovered.  May medical science, once and for all, eradicate this vile plague upon society, and may the cure come in time to return all those currently living with cancer to normal, happy, healthy lives.

May every living soul have a warm place to sleep, a warm meal and a true friend this Christmas Season and forever thereafter.

May there be a toy under the tree for every child in the world this Christmas.

May all those who’ve lost someone they loved this year remember that someone lovingly this season, and may those memories be warm and happy enough to help them get through the pain and to move on with the business of living.

And last, but certainly not least, to all of you who have suffered through this blog every Sunday for the last twenty-one weeks, I wish you a heartfelt, Very Merry Christmas and a safe, healthy and prosperous New Year.  May 2011 be the first in a successive string of better years, and may true love and happiness follow you all throughout your days.

I only hope I’ve been deserving enough to warrant a healthy enough share of Christmas Magic for all these wishes come true.

Until Next Year,

Potere lo spirito di Natale e vivo nel suo cuore tutto in ogni parte l’anno. ………..(May the spirit of Christmas be alive in your heart throughout the year.)



A load of laughs on every page.
Born Bent Over: Flashing the Vertical Smile at Middle Age.

And, if you’re looking for a great read for the cold weekends ahead, order a copy of my latest book, Born Bent Over: Flashing the Vertical Smile at Middle Age.  I guarantee a laugh in every chapter.  You can find it at,, or through my website, where you can also read some of my short stories or hear the, quickly becoming famous, Born Bent Over Theme Song.

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